Good afternoon to all followers, students, staff, etc., of Blue Check University. We are honored here today to introduce our BRAND NEW staff members that have NOT been discussed on Facebook or Twitter. You have DEFINITELY seen a few of these people in the “line of duty”, giving our students an opportunity to learn from the ABSOLUTE BEST in the world at what they do. Although we can speak about each new member for literally forever, we will keep it short for the sake of today’s post; so let’s get to it!
1. Michael Avenatti: Extortion Science
Let’s Begin with Michael Avenatti, who wears “several hats” here at Blue Check University. Making appearances in the “School of Civil Law” and
2. Bill Mitchell: Boomer Entrepreneurship
Whether it’s grifting a quick $15,000 for a studio in DC (Miami in reality), selling “MAGA” Shirts that look like they were made on “CustomInk” in a matter of seconds, pushing a “Show” that is simple regurgitations of popular, surface-level, right-wing takes, or ANYTHING, Bill has a wave of “Boomers” who are ready to follow his commands. Even AFTER the #BillMitchellIsOverParty, where he lost every bit of non-Boomer Support he had, Bill hunkered down, blocked the “trolls”, locked-in his focus on his Boomers, and kept grifting along. Impressive stuff.
3. Ruth Bader Ginsburg: Survivability
Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s “Survivability” lecture is so powerful that her students actually attend the lecture WITHOUT HER BEING PRESENT! Simply amazing stuff that we can’t even begin to understand, but RBG does it better than ANYONE!
4. Brian Stelter: Critical Thinking
Brian Stelter has an “obtuseness” about him that his students can never determine if it’s “real” or “fake”. It doesn’t matter to us, as Brian is acclaimed in his particular field of study and gets his students THINKING CRITICALLY!
5. Rob Smith: Apprenticeship of Conservative Studies
Despite only being an “Apprentice” in title, “America’s Favorite Gay Black Conservative” Rob Smith has garnered the respect of Blue Check University Staff and Students, with his vast and plentiful understanding in his field of study: Conservative Studies. Rob has also “fought for our freedoms” across the world in Iraq, possibly in the same battalion as another BCU Staff member who will be discussed shortly. WHAT A VALUABLE RESOURCE!!
6. Bernie Sanders: Keynesian Economics
Bernie Sanders is a veteran Blue Checkmark who, in his advanced age, has donated his time to teaching the youth here at BCU. While Bernie is respected on numerous fronts, including work done in the fields of “Political Money Laundering”, “Elite Populism”, and “Career Politicianing”, his latest adventures deal with the wild world of “Keynesian Economics”: a field Bernie knows QUITE well.
7. Will Chamberlain: Antifa Finance
Antifa is an organization that doesn’t fund itself and with its’ Handlers already donating millions to the “cause”, funding HAD to come in a unique way. Enter Will Chamberlain, the man who pushed a fundraiser that raised money for Heather Heyer on the backs of retired, fix-income Boomers. Will has a unique teaching style, where he actually “role plays” as a “Conservative Trump Supporter” through the duration of his Tweets. We couldn’t pull-it-off, but it surely raised Antifa some funds!
8. Cenk Uygur: Impartiality Studies
Cenk Uygur is an instructor for our “Impartiality Studies” Program; a fairly new major at BCU that was created to meet the ever-challenging and persistent problem of “right-wing media bias”. Cenk is able to provide thought-provoking commentary while maintaining a sense of professionalism; just look at his 2016 Election Livestream!
9. Dan Crenshaw: Israeli Studies
Dan Crenshaw is a flexible instructor who can assist the “Red Flag Law Department” as well as the “Milking Injuries/Hypochondriac Studies” Program, but his real “sweet spot” comes in the “Israeli Studies Department”. Despite *supposedly* being “Christian”, only to be followed up with a VERY REALISTIC photograph on Christmas day, Daniel has a KEEN understanding of both the Hannukah Celebration AND the role Israel plays in sustaining world peace. He has even fought for and gotten injured while fighting for Greater Israel!
10. Don Lemon: Masked Journalism
Our LAST new staff member here at BCU is certainly no slouch; as Don Lemon teaches a “Masked Journalism” Class that’s a part of the larger “Masked Journalism” Program: a VITAL Program for both societal conformity and to help the CIA with their hiring demands!