Good evening fellow Blue Check University students, faculty, fans, prospective students, and anyone else involved with our ELITE academic institution! This is your President with a brief update, involving everyone’s FAVORITE PHENOMENA: the “Twitter Ratio”.
Twitter Ratio Rankings Additions
We have several additions to our OFFICIAL Twitter Ratio Rankings List to announce, which include some of the WORST Tweets ‘associated’ with Ratios (not necessarily worst ratio) that we have ever seen. My goodness, these are horrific.
Let’s begin chronologically, then.
Paul Krugman ‘Child Pornography Confession’
Paul Krugman, for those unaware, is a VERY INTELLIGENT economist who actually worked in Bill Clinton’s administration during his presidency. Known for astute economic predictions and incredible foresight on political issues, Paul has recently accepted a position here at Blue Check University; in an adjunct professor role!
Over the past week+, a VERY unfortunate situation happened involving Paul’s ‘IP Address’. We’ll let him explain the fine details:
Where to even begin:
– The disgusting antisemitism of the association of the two.
– The reappearance of trolls ‘Qanon-ing’ People
– The technological savvy of Paul to quickly identify the ‘compromised IP address’
It’s all disgusting and virulent, not to mention antisemitic to boot. Luckily, however, Paul was WAY ahead of the curve!
Rather than contacting his local authorities, Paul did the MORALLY CORRECT thing by informing the unnamed ‘Times’. We all know that Journalists are among the most informed individuals on the planet.
And just like that, he got to the bottom of his antisemitic dilemma. Talk about an incredible display of ’emotional intelligence’ by Paul. His tweets should be the ‘standard’ for dealing with ‘IP Compromization’ for ALL BLUE CHECKMARKS!!
Steven Demarest Ranks Via ‘Reply Ratio’
Not only did Steven display an incredible show of ‘tolerance’ on this particular Tweet, the manner in which his ratio occurred was extra impressive. Steven was able to accomplish this ratio on a ‘Reply Tweet’, which of course, is a simple ‘reply’ to anyone’s Tweet on Twitter. These ‘Reply Tweets’ receive significantly LESS views and impressions, as they often times depend upon who you follow, and more recently, WHAT the original ‘Tweeter’ decides to hide.
Keep up the tolerance, Steven. We KNOW a Blue Checkmark is coming your way!!
David Leavitt and the ‘One-Cent Target Toothbrush’
Last but certainly not least for this evening comes from one David Leavitt, a Blue Checkmark ‘Journalist’ who has been on Twitter since 2009.
Like any good consumer would, David is astutely aware of ‘price matching’ services offered at numerous stores: including Target and Wal-Mart. So when the opportunity to purchase an electric toothbrush for ONE CENT came, David was sure to ‘shoot his shot’:
Citing the ‘Massachusetts Item Pricing Law’, David was making an argument to the cashier, ‘Tori’, that the ‘display model’ in the back of the rack, with its ‘one cent’ price tag, should be honored by the store. Upon receiving an answer that he felt was ‘unsatisfactory’, David took action:
With the savvy to NOT call ‘911’ and instead dial the police department’s ‘business number’, David clearly had been in a situation like this before:
A true ‘veteran’ of the ‘Price Match Game’, David was NOT going to let this toothbrush deal slip away.
David manages to turn a small, civil dispute, involving the accidental display of a ‘model electric toothbrush’, into a political statement against corporations and Target specifically. He even began to appeal to the emotional side of Twitter:
Simply incredible. Imagine having the gall to claim you are too ‘poor’ to afford dental care, while simultaneously arguing about the price of a premium, electronic toothbrush. David has it and then some, as this ratio is STILL ongoing!
Well, That’s All For Tonight
Thanks for your support, everyone! Blue Check University is only just getting started, with much, much, much, more to come in the near AND distant future!